How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
