i can't believe i had my finger in that
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
