I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
