You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Dick very happy bro
we're so committed to being not committed
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
