Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
