mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You need a sexual gate keeper
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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