So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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