The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
