Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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