I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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