i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
