You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
