Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I look better un-naked...
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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