I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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