I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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