Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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