I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
