Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Boobs speak an international language.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
