my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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