when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
