She's JV to your varsity
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
