how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
