they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
