I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
