I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
