the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
