i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
