My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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