She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Just puked most of my soul out..
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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