My first STD was from a foam party
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
