i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
