oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
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