so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
