i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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