So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
how drunk are you?
Several
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
