This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
