Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
