I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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