I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
