They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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