I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
