I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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