Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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