Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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