I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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