you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
