I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
