I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize