Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
