Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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