I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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